Updated: Jan 3, 2021
Earlier I wanted to share some successes online that I’ve recently been having in my business…but I couldn’t help feel uneasy about it.
“Why am I feeling bad and blocked about celebrating my successes?” I asked the resistance that was pulling hard in my chest and heart.
I got still inside my body and paid close attention to what the sensation felt like.
Tight. Negative. Uncomfortable.
We’ve all been there before.
Upon listening closely, I realized that I was feeling shameful for feeling good about something when I simultaneously noticed that so many people in the world are feeling far less than gratitude.
“Who am I to celebrate a win with everything going on right now? How insensitive,” the resistance in my chest wretched.
I found this self reflection interesting since I often encourage people to care less about what others think of them and aim to focus more on their own authentic expression, regardless of the feedback.
“I have two options,” I paused.
I could numb myself to the swirling feeling in my chest, pretend it wasn’t there and go on about my day with the heavy weight persisting…
Or I could sit in it, process it and heal it.
I’ve learned through experience though that as uncomfortable as it is to sit in your shit, there is always relief, clarity and peace if you can process it properly.
And so I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and connected to the pain.
In my minds eye, I immediately saw myself as a child learning that the best way to get the love I craved was through the approval of others.
I saw myself learning to measure the success of my actions based on how other people reacted to them…through family…through friends..through teachers…
If the way I behaved didn’t make other people happy, then it wasn’t “right” for me to do that action.
I sat for a few moments, breathing deeply into my chest, opened my eyes and reflected…
“What can I learn from this?” I asked in stillness.
I recognized that I made the unconscious agreement when I was a boy to play small so that my success wouldn’t rub others the wrong way — a belief I didn’t see I still had remnants of until earlier today.
Before I would have judged myself for feeling this weakness. But now I know that all of our negative emotions are powerful reminders that there is a part of us that just wants to be felt…wants to be heard…wants to be healed...wants to be appreciated…
I closed my eyes and sat compassionately with the little boy inside me to tell him that the love and approval he craves does not *need* to come from others…
“…Approval is always something you can give to yourself if *you* choose to, regardless of how others perceive you,” I whispered to him affirmingly.
With more listening and processing, the energy in my chest began to relax and release.
I could breathe deeply and freely again…
I used to think that being a good teacher in my field meant that I was supposed to have all my healing done before I could help others.
I used to think it meant that I had to have all the answers and have life figured out.
I used to think that I was supposed to be some kind of “perfect” person without flaws.
But that was just my ego projecting false assumptions on what it means to be a fully integrated person. I now know the opposite is true.
By our very human nature, we are always going to have some degree of limiting beliefs, and quite often we can’t see them for what they are.
It’s not about how much *we know* that makes us better, happier or more successful in life.
It’s about humbling ourselves to realize how much we *don’t know*, and through that awareness and humility, we create the space to heal — to grow — and to ultimately live a more authentic, joyful and beautiful life.
And so, with that, I will say that my coaching business has never gone so good as it’s going today! ❤️😁
I am not only deeply grateful to show up for all the people I feel so lucky to work with each week…
But also for myself — to continue evolving my own limitations so I can keep enjoying the unfolding of my personal and professional life.
I hope this story reminded you that you’re not alone in your pain. Of course, yours is different than mine and everyone else’s.
It is important to remember, especially during these challenging times that we’re all human. We all bleed. And whether we realize it or not…We’re all in this together.
So be gentle with yourself and others. Everyone is in their own journey of healing and becoming better versions of themselves.